Our lives are like that of a woven nature. Each event, each person in our lives is a thread. Our journey with all these threads of interaction are reflected in the whole of our own personal tapestry. People come and people go in our lives. When there is a loss, sudden or slowly oncoming, a thread is broken and there is an unraveling.
If the loss is a sudden loss, the thread can be violently torn and frayed. A slow untangling of a relationship can leave the thread in a thinned out state until there just is no more. Either way that thread, that event in our lives, creates a tear. The thread for whatever reason is now ragged and dangling.
We have all experienced the irritation or disappointment with a snag or tear in an item of clothing we love. Or a vintage tablecloth or the fabric on a chair. It does not matter how beautiful the dress, the shawl or scarf is, we focus no longer on the beauty of the piece but rather the tear. It is upsetting and every time we look at it, that is all we can see.
When a thread is broken or frayed, there is suffering. There is grief, anger, resentment, a whole array of unresolved feelings. So the thread must be mended. It must be smoothed and tended to. Time and attention are required to even out those unraveled and torn edges. As we attend to our feelings, our needs and most importantly acknowledge or act upon our core truth, those threads become coherent once more. They are repaired and made strong again. And we are better able to let go of the past. They integrate back into the tapestry, creating a wholeness. Sometimes if the work is done right you cannot even see where the fibers was broken. Sometimes there is a bumpy scar on the fabric where the healing was difficult.
Either way the tapestry continues to advance as we move forward on our journey. A vibrant tapestry reflects a resilient life. A life that is self repairing. A co-creating life that is never ending in our ability to move forward. To leave pain behind and embrace the new.
My tapestry is strong and beautiful. It is made of silk floss and is incredibly resilient. But it is also very fragile. It is a thing of beauty and must be tended to. There are vibrant, brilliant colors that flow into patches of quiet muted colors. The repairs are many, the disappointments great, but the colors and textures far outshine the tears that have been mended.
There is a line of brilliant orange, green and red threads that represents the optimism of how I felt moving to Colorado. Then the color dims and there is tear after tear that needed repairing. Heartbreak, anguish, dismay and shock were unraveling my beautiful tapestry. But these months of pain have not been in vain. Self-care, rest, reflection and creating peace were all acts of a deep self-love. Being willing to let go and start fresh have mended my tapestry. Looking forward and not backwards, have also mended my tapestry. Not an easy task. It is all too easy to remain enmeshed in pain. We humans have a tendency to stay locked into our pain. It is the one thing that I really love when working with horses. They are so willing to give up their pain and appreciate the help. But humans love to hang onto their anguish which can linger for decades. They will do anything to avoid change even change for the better. But if we are willing to let go as well as provide ourselves loving supportive self-care, it frees us up for something better.
Now that the repairs are complete to the best of my ability, the tapestry has a new strong thread of hope and a new direction is making itself manifest. As a result, I feel and see a directional shift with new beginnings each and every day. A fresh clean story is unfolding and the weave is once again strong and vibrant.